I Won’t Change, Either

There are 1.2 billion Catholics worldwide.  I searched for the figure from ten years ago, thinking it had dropped significantly since then, but surprisingly, the number of Catholics has doubled from 1970 to 2008.  I don’t imagine that is because people are twice as satisfied.  It’s because Catholics have a lot of unprotected sex and make lots of new Catholics.

The number of people who go to Mass weekly has dropped a lot.  (When I have no statistics to back up what I write, I write things like “a lot.”)  That leads me to believe “a lot” of Catholics are just like me; they have the faith without the religion.

The Catholic Church is intractable.  They will never change their views.  Not on gays, pre-marital sex, divorce, embryonic stem cell research, suicide, death with dignity, abortion, women priests or allowing priests to have sex (well, you know) or any number of other issues where the Church and I don’t see eye to eye.

The Catholic Church has an unsustainable business model.  You can’t hold on to people when you tell them they have to hate gays, cannot be friends with Jews or Muslims and treat women like puppets.  I say they need to learn a lesson from the Mormons.

They have all those cute commercials showing Mormons are surfers and musicians and comedians who live by the beach, on a farm or in the big city.  Those nice “look how normal I am” commercials.  And they don’t give a hoot about tradition.  If something comes up that kills their buzz, they just get a prophet to say the Lord changed his mind.  Multiple wives?  Poof.  It is written.  No more multiple wives?  Yeah, well, the Lord sayeth.  That pesky black people problem?  In 1978, God decided blacks were okay.  The Catholic Church could use some of that flexibility.

I doubt the Catholic Church will want to go the way of Latter Day Prophets (too Martin Luther for them) but they have a much better ace in the hole.  The Pope.  I say it is time to play the Infallibility card.  The Pope can change all the mean things just like that.  And no one can doubt him because he is infallible.

Now I just need to convince him.


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